Title: Re: RPF
inForm@super.zippo.com (Rev. Dennis Erlich)
Date: Wed, 10 Sep 1997 01:20:10 GMT

Joe Cisar <joecisar@innernet.net> wrote:

>That's what happened to me.  I didn't believe it all these years, until
>I read Ann Blumfeld's (?spelling) account.  I was told to get my bag and
>report to the RPF.  I thought it was for giving that crazy sea org girl
>a beer, but it was for kissing her.  Plus there were a couple of
>reactions I got while I was in the Sea Org from girls to the effect of
>"Joe, you don't know what's going to happen if we continue."
>Out-2D in the sea org as far as I can tell is being romantic with anyone
>who is not your spouse.  Punishable by RPF.  Now, we had a rapist, but
>he left on his own the morning after his crime.  The police were not
>called.  The girl was treated with "touch assists".  This was in 1977 or
>78 at Cedars.

   This is accurate according to my experience also.


     I knew Annie.  I went into the RPF'S RPF shortly after she left
Florida.  She was a very warm and friendly young lady.

     The following is excerpted word-for-word from her declaration
regarding her experiences in scientology.  I can tell you that her
account of the inhuman treatment occurring in the RPF is accurate,
albeit minimized.  It is still the best description of the RPF I have

     Please excuse her sometimes wandering tenses and persons.  I
sure she felt she was still recovering when she wrote this. - ED 


     The RPF was created by LRH in 1974 for people who were in
ethics trouble and not getting handled, as well as for R/S-er's [the
criminally insane].  The RPF rules and regulations are all covered in
the "Flag Order 3434" series.  The basic issue which gives the outline
of the RPF is Flag Order 3434.  There are numerous other issues as
more rules and regulations were made.  These issues are all in a series
(i. e. F.O. 3434-1; F.O. 3434-2, etc.).  I believe they were up to
around F.O. 3434-30 by the time I left.

     The idea of the RPF is to "rehabilitate" people who are out-
ethics [not behaving], SP's [Suppressive Persons] and/or psychotic. 
The RPF is a totally "self-sustaining" unit.  In other words, it handles
all of its own tech, ethics, etc.  The senior person is called the RPF
Bosun.  Directly under him is the RPF MAA.  Under him are the
section leaders, and then the section members.  There are 5-8 people
in each section, and each one is numbered "Section A", "Section B",
etc.  Each section is assigned different "cleaning stations" and
projects to do.  The only exception to that is the "Tech Section,"
which doesn't work on projects because they have to handle the co-
auditing in the RPF.

     The RPF operates on "two watches."  While one watch is on
study, the other watch is on work.  When I was first sent to the RPF,
the Clearwater Bank building (Scientology owned) had just burned
down, and my section was assigned to "salvage the SO-1 files" (SO-1
files are all the letters people write to LRH). [SO-1 stood for Standing
Order #1 wherein Hubbard ordered all letters addressed to him would
be answered by him.  They were not, in reality.  They were answered
by the SO-1 Unit who were all given training in duplicating Hubbard's
signature exactly.]  

     I was up at about 5:45 A. M. and we mustered in the Fort
Harrison garage.  We took roll call, and then went to do "Cleaning
stations" (cleaning the bathrooms and hallways of the F. H.).  Then we
had breakfast, then roll call again, then went to study for 5 hours. 
After that we went to work on handling the SO-1 files.  We did that
until about 10:30 or 11:00 P. M.  Then we had another muster and
then went to bed.  Then there was a bed-check of everyone.

     The rules of the RPF are:

     1. No walking.  You had to run all the time.

     2. You were not allowed to speak to anyone outside the RPF.

     3. You were not allowed to originate any communication,
written or otherwise, to anyone outside the RPF, unless there was an
emergency situation, or unless you cleared it with your RPF's seniors

     4. You were not allowed to go anywhere by yourself, unless
authorized to do so.  Even when going to the bathroom, someone had
to go with you.  You would also get in trouble if you saw anyone start
to go off by themselves and didn't go with them, then report it.

     5. You had to call all RPF seniors "Sir."  If there was some
reason you had to talk to someone outside the RPF (and got
permission for it), you had to call them "Sir" when speaking with

     6. All letters you wrote had to be put in a stamped, unsealed
envelope, then dropped in a box in RPF room.  The RPF MAA then
read all out-going mail.  You are not allowed to send anything directly
out of the RPF, including and especially, personal letters.

     7. You are allowed only in "RPF designated areas," which, for
me, was the Fort Harrison garage (it is a spiral 4 story garage), and
the RPF course room, right off the second floor garage.  You were
not allowed to go anywhere else, the only exception being during
morning cleaning stations when you cleaned the rest of the Fort

     8. Had to wear dark blue boiler-suits or dark blue shirts and

     9. Were not allowed "luxuries" (their word for it) such as
music, seeing T. V., (at one point half dozen people were sent to the
RPF's RPF for having seen some T. V. in a room they were in when
they were sick) playing cards, perfume, etc.--anything like that.

     10. There is an F.O. 3434 series called "Rocks and Shoals." 
There are penalties one gets for anything they do wrong such as non-
compliance to an order, not calling a senior "Sir," walking instead of
running, missing a spot on a mirror you  were cleaning, etc.  The
penalties consist of doing so many laps, sit-ups or push-ups.  The
laps are running up and down the garage ramp.

     When I first arrived in the RPF, I went to the RPF MAA
(Master-at-Arms, in charge of "ethics") and was given forms to sign. 
I don't remember what I signed.  I don't remember reading them.  I
only vaguely recall one of them which was something about how I
entered the RPF voluntarily to be able to get redemption, and that I'm
being treated well, being taken care of, etc.  I don't remember at all
what else I signed.  For one thing, I was still in a state of shock and
confusion at being in the RPF.  They were forms to go to the G. O.
[Guardians Office] - I do remember that much.

     The next step in "routing into the RPF" is to work out with the
RPF MAA what your condition is on the 1st dynamic (yourself).  The
RPF in itself is your "liability" on the 3rd dynamic.  The 3rd dynamic
is the group dynamic, that is, your relationship to others.  That's why
the RPF is sort of an amends project.  When you complete the RPF
program, you have to get every staff member in the Flag Land Base to
sign your liability formula [Written steps which show you have atoned
and done amends for your evil deeds against scientology and are
ready to resume useful participation in the group.], and then you're
considered out of the RPF.  The condition of the 3rd dynamic,
acceptance of the group, is thereby fulfilled.

     To complete the RPF, one has to co-audit the RPF program
during the 5 hour daily study time they are allowed.  The auditing
program at the time I was there consisted of:

     1. Classified Confessional [Security Check, a list of questions
you must answer about your evil deeds]

     2. Expanded Drug Rundown including a full battery of

     3. Word Clearing Method I

     4. Any other Expanded Dianetics

     5. Expanded Dianetics including full R/S handling

     6. Conditions and Exchange by Dynamics [various other
brainwashing procedures employed by scientology].

     Everyone in the RPF has a "twin" whom they co-audit with. 
Each person not only has to complete the RPF auditing program
themselves, but they must audit someone else fully through it.  So
"twins" audit each other.

     The actions are learned (how to audit) by what is called the
"Read it-Drill it-Do it" (RDD) basis.  You read the necessary HCOB's
[Hubbard Bulletin] on how to audit the action, then drill it and get a
check out on it by the RPF Tech Supervisor, then go audit it.  The
auditing is set up like the old Saint Hill style - everyone audits in the
same room, lined up, or on separate tables all over the place.  At first
it was hard to get used to doing that, but after a while it stops
bothering you, and then you really don't care if everyone hears all the
crazy things you say in session because you know everyone else
around you is just as crazy as you.  This is the general thought of
people there.

     After you're in the RPF awhile, you just learn to "accept the
fact that you're crazy and that's why you're in the RPF".

     Frequently PC's [people undergoing auditing] would go nuts in
their auditing, and start hollering and yelling and crying and carrying
on.  So the Tech Supervisor would just move the co-audit outside and
they'd continue auditing in the garage.

     We received $4.00 a week here.  If we needed to buy soap or
cigarettes or something like that, we'd give a list of what we needed
and the money to this guy who would go to the store once a week for
the RPFers to get the things we needed.  We were not allowed to go
ourselves.  We weren't allowed to step foot outside the building!

     I was actually only "on the decks," working on projects for a
few months.  I then became the Tech In Charge of a watch.  After a
few months of that I began having trouble sleeping, and my auditing
was becoming weird.  My mind was starting to fall apart.  I was used
to late night work, from being a Messenger, so I requested to become
an RPF C/S (Case Supervisor):  I'd read over all the sessions each
night and "grade" the auditor and tell him what things to run the PC
on the next day.  The C/Ses had to work at night so the PC folders
would be ready the next day for auditing.  This was approved, and I
became a C/S, which I continues until I left the RPF.

     When I was first in the RPF, we ate on a table set up in the
garage.  But as winter came around, it was a bit cold, and it was also
"bad PR" [Public Relations] for the FCCI's [persons undergoing
auditing at Flag] who saw us.  FCCI means Flag Completed Case
Intensive.  They are public scientologists who were paying for services
at Flag.  The FCCI's would always walk past us on their way to and
from their cars.  So we were moved into the "lower" staff dining room
and ate there after the staff finished eating.

     Our sleeping arrangements were bad.  The guys slept in what
was used as the RPF course room during the day.  It was an old
storage room, with no windows.  They would throw their mattresses
on the floor at night, and the room was filled with wall-to-wall

     When I was originally in the RPF the girls slept in a hallway
near an elevator shaft, leading to the garage.  The mattresses covered
the floors there also.  We were later moved to an old locker room in
the Fort Harrison, with no windows.  They let us turn the vents on
during the night to keep from suffocating but the door was closed to
prevent someone from blowing [leaving].  An RPF MAA or someone
"high up" in the RPF, would sleep near the door, and of course bed
checks were done nightly.  There were also F. H. [Fort Harrison Hotel]
Security Guards constantly policing the F. H. plus an "RPF Guard" in
the garage at night.

     In December, 1978, we were moved to a storage area in the
garage.  It was a partly wooden, partly cement, enclosure built
against one of the garage walls.  It was build to be a storage area, but
as the RPF grew so large, it was made the RPF girl's sleeping area. 
Wooden bunks were built, that were about 1/2 to 1/3 the size of a
regular twin bed.  The bunks were built 3 and 4 stacks high, and were
put in there side-by-side.  Our "mattresses" were pieces of foam cut
to fit the bunks.  It was like crawling into a hole to get into bed.  You
couldn't even sit up because of the bunk above you, and it was
difficult to try to turn over because they weren't wide enough.  The
worst problem was that being in the garage, we inhaled all the car
fumes when cars would go through, in addition to the noise of cars
that FCCI's and staff would make driving in and out.

     We had routine visits from Fire and Health Officials in
Clearwater.  Somehow, the G. O. seemed to know in advance when
they were coming, and were warned.  When they arrived, we stacked
mattresses, boxes and all sorts of junk in our sleeping space, to make
it look like a storage area.  The officials apparently never suspected
that people were actually living there.  If an official surprised us, the
G. O. would take him around other F. H. areas while we received the
message to make it look like a storage area.  The staff lodging in the
Fort Harrison was pretty bad also.  Many staff and students had 6-8
beds in a small room.  When officials came around, those rooms were
locked or signs put on them "Confessionals in Progress" so no one
would go in, and the G. O. would randomly show them other rooms
with only 2 or 3 beds.

     I find it very difficult to describe what happened to me
mentally and emotionally in the RPF.  I spent the first few weeks
getting one security check after another.  The first was a security
check on anything I had done or told anyone while I was "blown" and
any overts while I was at WHQ [Western Headquarters, La Quinta,
CA?].  After that, I received a visit from the G. O. and was accused
of taking money from the WHQ.  I was security checked on that. 
Then I received a special security check written by the CMO on
everything I had been involved with or knew as a Messenger.

     After all that was finally over, I was given a "twin" and started
on my RPF auditing program.  At this point, I realized I was a List 1
R/Ser [totally psychotic, suppressive person] because the person I
was 'twinned' with was a List 1 R/Ser.  According to RPF rules, only
List 1 R/Sers could twin with List 1 R/Sers.  This order is one of the
F.O. 3434 series.  Obviously I had R/Sed on one of the sec checks
and was now considered a threat to LRH.

     This really shocked me, because I know List 1 R/Sers were
SP's and therefore I was Suppressive Person, which according to their
policies meant I was evil and psychotic.  It took me weeks before I
could "accept" that I was an "SP."  I finally realized and accepted the
fact that I was an SP, psychotic and needed the RPF.  It was my only
hope for salvation.

     This thing of "psychosis" is very much imposed on you in the
RPF.  When I didn't think I could handle the RPF, I talked to the RPF
MAA about it and he had me read policies on R/Sers and psychosis
and psychotics.  Then he explained how the RPF is set up in a way to
handle psychotics.  Because psychotic people cannot follow orders,
or complete cycles of action (in other words, finish anything they
start).  You are told that the RPF rules are there to keep everyone's
psychosis under control long enough to audit and handle them.

     At musters people told "success stores," such as: "Today I
realized why I'm in the RPF.  I realized that I really am psychotic
about many things and that I really have to handle it.  And all I can
say is thank you LRH, for giving me this chance to get handled and

     "Today in my auditing we handled a psychosis I've had for
trillions of years, and we ran it back to the basic and it just blew.  I
know I'll never have that psychosis again."

     "I just finished handling an ethics cycle with the MAA and it's
probably the best thing that's ever happened to me.  I found that my
ethics have been out ever since I got into Scientology, and because
my ethics have been out, the tech wasn't going in on me so I wasn't
getting the gains that I should have been getting.  Well, I can now say
that I really am  Scientologist, and I know that LRH's tech is the
greatest in the world."

     Everyone at musters would cheer and clap.  These are just
examples of some of the things people said.

     Within the RPF, is the RPF's RPF.  This is where people who
haven't realized that they need the RPF, are sent.  In Clearwater, they
were sent down to the boiler room under guard, of course, and had to
work there the entire day scrubbing pipes and walls in the boiler room. 
They are segregated from all other RPF members.  They were given a
pen and paper to write their overts and write lower ethics condition
formulas while in the boiler room.  They were allowed 15 minutes to
shower before going to bed at night and allowed an average of 5
hours sleep.  They ate after the RPF ate, and were only allowed
enough time to eat.  They did this until they realized how evil and
suppressive they are and how much they need the RPF.

     About a dozen people were sent to the RPF's RPF during the
time I was there.  One guy was sent there because he tripped down
the stairs and accidentally set off the fire alarm in the Fort Harrison. 
Usually, the people there were those who wanted to leave or who had
been involved in some sort of "out - 2D" [Hubbard's Second Dynamic
- sex].  "Out - 2D" consisted of kissing or holding hands with the
opposite sex.  You were not allowed any relationships with the
opposite sex, unless you were married.

     People who were married saw their spouses during one meal
break (30 minutes) a day.  The spouse had to join the RPF member
when the RPF ate, because the RPF member could not go to a staff
dining area.  They were allowed one night a week together regardless
of whether both were in the RPF or not.  Then, if the RPF member
stats were up, they could join their spouse after the nightly muster,
but had to report back in the morning.  The "night-out" room was in
the day care center, which wasn't used for anything at night.  The
couples would throw their mattresses on the floor there for the night.

     The one night out a week was canceled by LRH sometime in
June or July of 1978.  RPFers were not to have contact with their
spouses except once a day at a meal.  This was an F.O 3434 series
written by LRH.

     If they had children, RPFers were allowed to see them during
the meal time, plus one hour a week, if their stats were up.

     Auditing in the RPF almost destroyed me.  For one thing, I had
trouble going "Backtrack" - into past lives.  After I finally learned "past
track remedies" where you say anything that pops into your brain, like
monsters or fighting space wars, or whatever, my imagination ran wild
and I began having two or three pictures popping up at one time, I
wouldn't know which one was actually a past life or if it was my
imagination or if they were all past lives but at different times, or
what.  I was "run" on stuff I'd already been "run" on.  I had 3 - 4
drug rundowns, "re-verifications" of my Method 1, 35 hours Op-pro-
by-dup [A process where you walk back and forth examining and
describing a book and a bottle, hours on end for weeks.], etc.  I was
getting upset and the move upset I became, the more I was subjected
to auditing.  As my "auditing program" deteriorated, I became more of
a security threat and they then put me on security checks to go over
all my overts and withholds.  I finally just shut up, submitted, and let
them audit whatever they wanted on me.

     This led me to Expanded Dianetics.  This is where you audit out
or "run out" all your "evil purposes", and evil intentions and handle
your "Rock Slams" [a particular reaction on the E-Meter that shows a
person is totally psycho].  Evil purposes that your run out are "to
destroy" or "to kill", etc.  I must have run dozens of these evil
purposes, then we turned to my R/S handling.  By now it's
somewhere around the beginning of 1978, I think.  I really have very
little sense of time here - for one thing, one day was just like the
next.  There was no variation.  Weekends were the same as
weekdays.  It is all sort of one big lump to me - especially after I
started on my Expanded Dianetics and my brain really started to come
apart.  I was in sort of a cloud or a daze most of the time, that's the
only way I can describe it.

     My R/S handling I think was the point where my brain wasn't
just falling apart, but it started to get fried.  I was running out all
these evil purposes connected to the R/ses, and I started spouting
out and running out the weirdest things like, "to be somebody else",
"to blow up a planet", "commit suicide," "to never grow up," "to kill
myself," "to destroy bodies."  The list was endless.  My brain was just
getting fried on all of this.  I mean I had to have been the most evil
and craziest person that ever existed.  I don't know how to describe
what happened other than by brain was frying right up.  I felt like I
was in a daze half of the time.  I'd do things, sort of like watching
myself doing them but not realizing I was doing it, as if it was
somebody else, except that I know it was me.  I'd scream at my
auditor, I'd throw down the cans to the E-Meter that I was holding,
I'd refuse to get auditing.  I just created a real scene.  So of course, I
ended up in ethics, and had a "body guard" put on me.

     This whole thing was a period of weeks, I think.  But actually,
in the state I was in, it could have been 2 days or it could have been
2 months.  Somewhere around here I got sick and was "off post."  I
was in "sick bay."  I was sick for a few days, running a high fever. 
One morning, the RPF member who handles the sick RPF people,
woke me up very early to take my temperature.  I told her it was too
early, and turned over and went back to sleep.  She called another
RPF member and they made me stick the thermometer in my mouth. 
I did, and went over to the bathroom, because I had just gotten up. 
My temperature was still high.  They left, and the next thing I knew,
the RPF MAA was in there.  He ordered me out of bed and onto the
decks.  I was angry, upset and running a fever.  I was ordered onto
the decks because the RPF MAA received a report that I went to the
bathroom with the thermometer and had put it under hot water to
raise the temperature.

     It's an LRH order that sick people are supposed to be "isolated"
from others.  When the Flag "Medical Officer" found out I had been
pulled out of isolation, she came over and took my temperature.  It
was high, so she sent me back to Sick Bay.

     When I finally left "Sick Bay", it was in the evening.  I walked
into the RPF course room and there was an order on the bulletin
board throwing me off post and back "on the decks".  I couldn't
handle that in the state I was in.  My auditing was crazy, and the only
other thing I had in my life was my C/S post.

     I looked at the order, turned around, and went to a phone in a
hallway (inter-building phone) and called the Registrar in the F. H.,
giving him a false name.  I convinced him to give me the phone
number of another Scientologist in Clearwater.  She was the only
person I know who wasn't an S. O member and I believed that she
would not turn me in.  Then I walked out of the garage, jumped over
the wall, and just kept walking.  No one noticed me, I don't think
anyone knew I had left Sick Bay, so I was not guarded at the time.

     I walked like a zombie for about 15 minutes, at least I think it
was about 15 minutes.  There was nothing going through my mind.  It
was completely blank - like a zombie.  It was like my mind was off in
space somewhere.  I noticed nothing around me; I don't know where I
walked.  Anyway, after about 15 minutes, I began to realize that I had
just jumped over the wall.  I was in serious trouble.  I was petrified
and wanted to return but if I did, I would be under guard again and
placed in the RPF's RPF.  I would also again be placed on their Bad
Indicators (B. I.) list, which consisted of people who were under
guard at all times.  I was on the B. I. list when I was taken off the
C/S post, except no one know I left the sick room, so they hadn't
assigned a guard to me yet.

     I'm not sure where I was, somewhere on Fort Harrison Avenue,
I think.  I sat down on a stairway to figure out what to do.  Then I
remembered I had made that phone call to get my friend's number, so
I walked to a 7-11 and called her.  I received directions to her house. 
It was approximately 4-5 miles.  I walked it, and when I got there,
there were 4-5 guys waiting for me.  I'm not sure if my friend called
them of if someone heard me asking for my friend's phone number.  I
completely broke down when I saw them, crying and carrying on.  I
told them I wanted to talk to my friend alone.  I was pretty incoherent
talking to my friend.  I wasn't making too much sense by this point,
and the tears were just flowing.  I kept crying about how I couldn't
handle the RPF anymore.  That it was not them, but it was me; I said
that I needed Expanded Dianetics and I had to get myself handled
because I was psychotic, but I couldn't get it handled while in the
RPF, because I was too "restimulated;" and therefore, I would never
get out of the RPF.  I was just rambling.  Meanwhile, my friend was
convincing me to return to the RPF.  She said I would be a fool not to
go back because I'd have such a "freeloader bill" that I could never
pay it back.  She told me of a friend of ours (mutual friend) who had
left Scientology, and then was killed in a motorcycle accident.  If I
left I'd probably pull in a "motivator" like that (Scientology believes if
you do something bad, then something bad will happen back to you -
called a motivator).  Finally, I agreed to go back, and "route out" of
the "Sea Org."

     So I was "escorted" back by the guys, and put under
immediate guard.  I think by now it's about the beginning of August. 
The next few weeks until I actually left are pretty hazy to me - sort of
like one mass of confusion.  I know I got a "Court of Ethics" and a
"Committee of Evidence" and a "Fitness Board."  All of these were
ethics actions showing how bad I was for wanting to leave.  If I began
to "doubt" Scientology the MAA would tell me that I wasn't doing the
formulas right and to go back and do them again.  I was slowly
becoming crazy.  

     Meanwhile I was under guard, and I refused to work most of
the time.  I was a real "basket case."  I finally reached the point where
they would just let me sit and do nothing, or work on my condition
formulas all day long with someone watching me.  Sometimes they
would have two people watching me.  One of the MAA's tried to throw
me in the RPF's RPF, but I screamed and yelled that I would "bite"
him if he touched me.  So they just let me sit, except for hassling me
during the day about being a "freeloader."  They would say:  "Don't
you think you should do a little work, at least to pay for the food
you're eating?"  I usually replied with a "no."  Sometimes I agreed to
work.  I think they were at a point where they just didn't know what
to do with me anymore.

     I finally announced that if I didn't leave I would become insane. 
The CMO then announced that LRH had approved an "amnesty for
RPF members."  When I came in, there were about 40 RPFers.  There
were around 130-150 when I left because people were not getting
out.  This amnesty was that any RPFer who wanted to, could leave
the RPF.  They would not have a freeloader debt which generally
amounted to $30,000 - $40,000.  They would be a Scientologist in
good standing, but they could never work on staff anywhere until they
completed their RPF auditing program at their own expense.

     This meant that I could get out of the RPF and not have a
freeloader debt.  This very much concerned me because I knew I
could never pay the debt off and Scientology was rabid about making
money and having you pay your debts to them.  But I also had no
money of my own to complete the RPF auditing program because I
had worked for them for virtually nothing for six years, 7 days a
week.  I was caught in a terrible situation.  I was brainwashed into
believing that I needed RPF auditing but had no money to pay for it;
and if I didn't get it, I could not continue in Scientology.

     I accepted the amnesty, along with 7 or 8 people.  We all then
received security checks concerning whether we were taking any
Scientology data with us, what our intentions were when we left, etc. 
Then our luggage and stuff was all checked and searched to make
sure we didn't have any internal documents, etc.  They went through
all our pc folders [files containing everything you confessed in
auditing] and made a list of anything that could ever be used against
us, such as crimes of this lifetime, including stealing, selling drugs,
prostitution, etc. - anything considered illegal in the eyes of the law
or immoral in our society.  These lists were then drawn up as
affidavits, and we had to sign them.  Then we were all taken over to
the G. O.'s office and signed other forms.  I don't know what I
signed.  I don't even remember reading what I signed.  I was just
handed a pen and told to sign.

     On September 2, 1978 I boarded an airplane to Colorado with
pre-paid tickets from my parents.

     If I could sum the RPF up in just one sentence, it would
probably be, "It is a process by which they make you believe that you
are psychotic, and then you actually do become psychotic."

                       AFTER LEAVING

     After I arrived in Colorado, I spent the first day glued to a chair
listening to the radio.  I didn't move from that chair until 2 a. m.  I
wanted nothing more in this world than to hear music.

     Although I now live in a great deal of fear and terror because
of what Scientology did to me, the constant control and deprivation
imposed on me has left me with an appreciation for the simple things
in life.  Things like being able to get in a car and go for a ride, being
able to be alone, being able to walk outside, feeling the sun on you,
and all by your own choice without anyone telling you that you have
to do it or that you can't.  I don't think I ever really understood what
it means to be free and have freedom, until it was taken from me.

     Shortly after I returned home, Jonestown occurred, and that
did it for me.  I realized that if at any point LRH had handed me a
glass of poison and told me to drink it, I would have, with no
questions asked and no second thoughts.  At that point, I think I got
"shocked" out of Scientology.

     I later wrote to some Scientology friends with whom I was still
in contact.  I told them I was no longer a Scientologist.  I never heard
from them, but instead received an Ethics Order declaring me a
Suppressive Person and expelling me from the "Church."

     Emotionally and mentally, I went through quite a trauma
adjusting to the outside world.  I experienced a culture shock.  My
parents helped me.  They left me alone the first few months and I
slept and rested most of the time.  Occasionally, my parents took me
for drives in the mountains.  My mother was very understanding and
she never made me talk about my experiences.  But if I wanted to
talk, she was there.  They didn't make me feel like a fool for what I
had done, though I certainly felt like one.  I started to come out of
the "daze" I was in, within 2 months, with a lot of "TLC."

     I was 23 years old, and I didn't know anything about opening
a personal checking account, taxes, investments, buying a car,
shopping, social security (that was a word I heard that had something
to do with retirement).  Watergate was something that I remembered
hearing about, but I only had a vague impression that the President
was impeached or resigned because of something he did to the
Democratic party.

     I also experienced something that I believe most ex-cult
members go through - a sort of "void" where everything you believe in
all of a sudden vanished, and it leaves you with nothing to hold on to. 
It is a very strange feeling.  I went through a long period where I
simply didn't believe anything, T. V., books, newspapers, etc.  I didn't
believe because if I had been so wrong before, how could I trust
myself again to believe anything was right?

     I eventually researched and studied mind control and the effect
of it.  I began to understand what had happened to me.

     Around January of February, 1979, I decided to do something
about Scientology.  I heard Senator Dole was doing an investigation
on cults.  I wrote him a letter about Scientology, LRH and the RPF.  I
didn't sign my name, but I suppose it is possible to ascertain who I
was by what I wrote.  Anyway, shortly afterwards I began to receive
threatening phone calls.  In one call the caller said:  "You like your
parents don't you?"  Then he laughed and hung up.

     The next incident that happened is very vague and uncertain to

     Following one of these threatening phone calls, I went to a
restaurant/lounge where my brother and friends usually meet, across
from my brother's home.  I remember ordering a "Tequila Sunrise"
while waiting for my brother.  I spoke to a man I didn't know who
approached me and started a conversation.  He left after about ten
minutes.  I left shortly after that feeling a little strange, the next
I remember is waking up in a psychiatric ward.  My front teeth were
knocked out.  Apparently, I lost my balance and fell on my face.  The
doctor told me that the laboratory found amphetamines, thorazine and
other drugs in my blood.

     I do not take drugs, nor do I have access to them.  Aspirin is
about the strongest medication I take.  I had no knowledge or
memory of having taken these drugs.  I have little memory of the
lapse of time between being in the lounge and ending up in the
psychiatric ward.  I am trying to piece the days together prior to my

     I don't know what happened to me.  I received a call at work
about a week after being discharged from the hospital.  The caller
said:  "Next time you won't be so lucky."

     I consulted a therapist at the Mental Health Association after I
was discharged from the hospital.  Initially, I was terrified and
frightened.  Then I felt the most intense hatred and anger I had ever
experienced directed primarily toward myself and to Scientology.  I
turned inward, and came very close to putting a hole in my head.

     I'm over that now and the anger has left me.  I do get upset
when I think or talk about the RPF or what happened to me in the
hospital.  I shake and I get the chills, and I suffer from insomnia. 
There are times when I "flash back" to the "daze" that I had.  It only
lasts about 3 or 4 seconds.  It occurs when I'm in an uncomfortable
position, such as being near someone I don't know.  Someone will say
something to me, and I hear them.  What was said to me registers,
but my mind goes blank in response.  It can be something as simple
as someone asking me what time it is, or asking me if I like the food I
just ate.  It takes me a few seconds to answer.  It doesn't happen
too often, but when it does, it scares me, and leaves me shaken for a
few hours.

     I moved to California in June, 1979, to start a new life.

     Shortly after I moved, my parents received calls from people
who identified themselves as "a friend" wanting to know my new
address, or where I was.  A few months after I moved, someone
called my former place of employment in Colorado and said they were
from Avco Finance "doing an employment verification on me."  Debbie,
the girl who received the call said that I didn't work there anymore. 
The caller acted surprised, saying that she had a loan application from
me, and asked for my current address.  Debbie gave it to her. 
Another friend at this place of work called and told me what had
happened.  I hadn't applied for any loans.  My mother called all the
Avco Finance offices in the Denver area, and no one had called about
me.  I notified the people where I worked not to give anyone
information, unless I let them know to expect a call.  Fortunately, I
had just moved, so the address the girl gave them was incorrect.

     The following week, my former employer received another call. 
A different girl in the office answered the phone, and the caller said
that she wanted to speak with the girl that she had spoken to the
week before about my employment verification.  So Debbie took the
call, and the caller identified herself as "Janet, from Aetna Finance
Company."  She said that she wanted to re-check the address that
was given to her.  Debbie wouldn't give her any information.  The lady
became upset and harassed her about not giving the address when
she had been willing to disclose it the week before.  Debbie told her
that I had instructed her not to give out the information, and "Janet"
said something to the effect of "Oh, then you're in touch with her,
and you do know where she is."  The caller said that I had applied for
a loan and that this would affect the application.  Debbie finally hung
up.  The person called right back and asked to speak with Debbie. 
"Janet" said she had just talked to her supervisor and he didn't
understand why Debbie wouldn't give her information on me.  Debbie
told her not to call again.  "Janet" then said, "Well, thank you, Miss
Sheffield," in an angry tone, and hung up.  Debbie had never disclosed
her last name.

     Shortly after I contacted Attorney Michael Flynn in Boston
about the class action suit brought against Scientology, my supervisor
at work received a call from an unidentified person.  The person said
that I was rude, bad for business and would cause the loss of
customers.  My boss said, "I don't know what you are talking about. 
Annie is a great girl.  Happy New Year."  She hung up.

     I have never been rude on the phone at this job and if it was a
customer, they certainly would have identified themselves because we
know all our clients by name.

     I have read about the cases in Washington, D. C., involving
burglary, theft, and bugging by the G. O. and I have been told of
various instances where the G. O. has wiretapped the phones of ex-
Scientologists.  If the G. O. knows I have joined the class suit I am
afraid of what to expect from them.

Anne Rosenblum

             Rev. Dennis L Erlich    * * the inFormer * *
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