INTRODUCTORY NOTE; I have decided to post to Google.com (as fully as possible) my experiences with Scientology here both to exercise my USA First Amendment rights to freedom of speech and to share with others what I went through and what I learned.

I have not posted this series (which I hope will be read by quite a few people) to create threads on a.r.s., as frankly comments and challlenges will not change my past experiences or what I have learned with hindsight. Also, what some cult members will post under fake and anonymous nicknames to discredit my story will not affect its truth one iota.

This may also inspire others to post their stories more fully, which will help to give a broader view of the whole situation.

I do hope that the relating of what happened will be of use to others who don't have the hindsight or direct experience or the 24 year track record I had with Scientology from 1973 to 1997, when I left the cult and regained my freedom and self-determinism.

I want to do this in several parts, and to give my story and what I learned in hindsight for each section of the posting. It gives a good contrast and some interesting counterpoint to show the facade of Dianetics and Scientology from when it was happening and what I learned since I left. I may also ad items to the postings as I remember them so the full picture will be painted in the end.

I was a professional artist when I first heard about Dianetics and Scientology in Paris in 1973. I had a job giving english lessons to corporate executives and bankers. A doctor,friend of mine from University in Scotland, (where I got a Masters Degree in Economics and Social Sciences)sent me Dianetics by L.Ron Hubbard. I had been previously reading some books on spirituality, etc but read the Dianetics book as Mary (Rogers) had recommended it. I went to the Paris Dianetics-Scientology "church" in Rue De Londres after finishing the book to find out if I could get a few past nasty incidents run out of me to get rid of a stomach ulcer and to cure myself from being a "gay" person, so taboo at the time..

I was greeted by a staff member and given a "personality test" with 200 questions, and failed to get a high score. I was then "routed" (taken physically) to a "registrar, a Ms Colette Byasson and we sat down for an interview. She went over the personality test results with me to show me how the low points must be "ruining" my life, and that Dianetics-Scientology were my only hope of ever remedying these flaws. I was also shown Hubbard's "The Bridge To Total Freedom" as a chart-diagram of steps to gigantic spiritual powers ( a state called "O.T" which is supposed to be a spiritual being endowed with being permanently outside its body, lives forever, can do telekinesis, etc.) through Scientology and Dianetics. I was impressed.

We got into my "gay" aspects too and telling Ms Byasson about it literally brought me to tears as I had not confided in anyone about that previously. I was 24 years old at the time and had not been able to tell anyone in my life aboput being gay till then. In England, where I grew up, being gay at that time was sufficient to create huge social and familial chaos if known, as it still is today in many areas of the world. This created a kind of "bond" with Colette, which remained even after she was expelled from Scientology in about 1980.

It also formed a bond between myself and Hubbard's "Tech" as I had been told, during a moment of real grief and emotion (while Colette was pointing out my "ruin" after the personality test) that it was my only hope for any kind of resolution. I did a "communications Course" with hours of supposedly (but practically impossible) unblinking staring at someone else's eyes, bull-baiting and fronting up to verbal abuse and harassments and then a lot of reading of lines from Alice In Wonderland to practice parts of a whole communication structure. I did that for a week or two and then was encouraged to do a "study technology" course with Hubbard texts on studying, words, clay modelling execises and tapes of "technology" about studying.

Even though I was pretty literate and well educated I had serious difficulty with the "checkouts" where, if I could not give an INSTANT CORRECT definition of any words selected at random by a supervisor I was "flunked" (given a fail grade) and made to re-study the text all over again till I could do it with all instant definitions perfectly. The first text "Keeping Scientology Working" which was pretty long, took me about 3 weeks to pass on the instant word or re-study checkouts! It contained technical jargon from Hubbard's later courses, so I was obliged to study a whole lot of other materials to see what they meant. They were not english words in any english dictionary. It did get easier as I went through more and more texts but it was a real nuisance to have to be that meticulous at such an introductory stage.

I learned from that course that I "MUST NOT go past a misunderstood word or symbol EVER" or I would have a probably fatal series of consequences i.e. I would "go blank" in my mind, I would separate myself from the study materials and from the group, I would then start to "commit destructive acts" on the area and group and then leave and give up my one hope of ever being a free being or of helping create a better planet Earth. I would also be lost in the oblivion of being a "Wog" (Hubbard term for any non-Scientologist) and remain utterly ineffective in all domains of Life forever. This is not an exaggeration. Such is still being taught in Scientology today.

So I used my newfound "tech of study" to ask what the crosses were on the walls and around the necks of some black-garbed staff members. I was told it was because the French government was trying to shut down Scientology and that it had been decided for it to "be" a church to have more tangible protection both in France and abroad. There was no real atmosphere of a "church" there, however, in my observation. God was certainly nowhere to be seen, just lots of photos of Hubbard all over the place.

It was not a pleasant factor, too, that my course supervisor, Jean-Pierre Vogel, was often telling me he discoverd he was a nazi in his immediate past life! His nazi checkouts where he would flunk me about 1/100th of a second after asking the word definition and i hadnt yet spoken didn't go with any concept I had of a "religion".

IN HINDSIGHT (for the above period) I LEARNED AND SAW: (after 24 years of experience within Scientology and over 5 years out of it)

1.The religious aspect was really only for legal and financial reasons, and had no real factual basis in the studies I took there, which, in definitions of Scientology, specifically excluded "God" from Scientology as it was "outside" the domain of either Dianetics or Scientology. The Hubbard writings about anything at all, however insignificant, to do with "God" are few and very far between, even in their so-called "Ministers Course" (which I took).

2.The Communications Course was a part of a training system to be indoctrinated as an "auditor" (a Hubbard technical practitioner) and was designed to put me under the control of the organization right from the start.

3.The "ruin" aspect of the personality test and first registrar interview was designed to motivate me, by pain and unconsciousness (as my ruin was painful emotionally and from a source unknown to me)to remain in Scientology every time it may come up in the future because the pain would supposedly drive me back in if I had strayed. There was huge emphasis on the "only hope for me or Mankind" aspect (which is utterly fake and false) so I "knew" from what I was repeatedly told that if I failed in Scientology I was as good as dead forever. This IS what keeps intelligent people who are trusting in the cult for SOOOOO long. This, and the longing for huge but non-existent (but promised anyway) spiritual powers that are advertised but not delivered.

4.The Bridge to Total Freedom is not a Bridge (I walked all the way to the end by 1990) and I found it was a Pier to Total Flotsam, as people who get to the end and protest the fact that it goes nowhere prettty soon get thrown overboard and out of the group to re-integrate a society from which they are estranged by too closeted a cult-life. A bridge has 2 ends on different shores. There is no new shore at the end of the pier I walked across. It is a fake "Bridge".

5. Today, in 2003, there is yet to be an "O.T" with scientifically and/or publicly demonstrable "O.T.Powers" made or advertised to exist.

6.The technology of study seems to me more oriented towards cult-indoctrination than self-discerning free-thinking STUDY (i.e. Hubbard is never wrong; if you disagree with him on ANYTHING It is because you have gone past a word or symbol that you did not fully understand. Hubbard being wrong about ANYTHING is not a thought that a Scientologist can compute with in their indoctrinated mind.

7.Being gay was not ever my choice or intention but it is not something that Scientology will ever "handle" however much one spends (I spent close to a half million dollars in Scientology, and I still want my money back!). Scioentology considers being gay as an "aberration" that needs to be erased. However, they don't erase it and are in actual practice anti-gay (as I and others got sent to "ethics" correction for such behavior). They did, however, accept hundreds of thousands of "Gay dollars" from me in full for a service they never delivered in full.Being gay may be something we don't understand yet but it exists in millions of people and, even when humans who misapply their own religious beliefs and spit hate out at gays, God loves me just the way I am.

8. I have never known ANYONE to flawlessly pass the "personality test". So there is ALWAYS fodder to ask the testee for money to "handle".

That, alone, is worth more than all I ever got out of Scientology.

(The note at the end of the last section where I mentioned that someting was worth more than all I ever got in Scientology referred to the fact that now I know God loves me just the way I am).

1973-1974.

I was studying Dianetics and Scientology in the Paris organization and,after finishing the study technology course, I started to be trained as an auditor so I could becoma "Clear" (advertised as someone who has no more aberrations, has perfecr recall, is healthy with no psycho-somatic problems (mentally-related aberrations)and is far and away above a mere "human", according to Hubbard.

I paid for some "auditing" (read "pastoral counselling" to be part of the religious presentation of Hubbard's writings etc...) and ran out some past moments of pain and unconsciousness and even "contacted" what I thought was a past life of mine, as a roman soldier. I got some relief from the stomach ulcer in one session too. It was a hard process to do, but I was determined to get to "Clear" and O.T because I wanted the advertised attributes and freedom from pains, limitations and somatic-aberrations.

I even audited staff members, and was fully in the swing of things, having believed the public relations and the staff encouragements with a trust that I had rarely given before. I was so trusting that I started to use the Hubbard business management books as part of my english lessons. That proved to be a vast mistake, as I was severely interrogated by a member of the cult's "Guardian's Office" (in charge of ensuring the continued existence of Scientology by any and all methods, legal or not) and was threatened, physically restrained in a small room in the attic and pressured till I agreed to stop using the books outside the organization. I had unintentionally tripped up on a strategic survival point that the Guardian's Office had implemented; namely Scientology was supposed to be a "religion" and there I was presenting its "business" aspect openly. It was a horrible experience as the person (Martine Pillet) was "O.T" and I assumed she had superhuman powers over me at the time, so I cried a lot then complied. The interrogation was very verbally brutal. I continued anyway, as I believed I had NO HOPE except in doing Scientology. So I had been shown, told and reminded of over and over.

I continued to pay for courses and buy Hubbard books and eventually the Paris Organization moved to the 5th district, not by O.T. telekinesis, but in moving vans. We were then in the Rue Saint Genevieve, on the left bank of the River Seine. An old but tall building with no elevators and attic auditing rooms, it was bigger than the Rue de Londres space. It also had a big cellar. There we could do further communications course exercises, such as shouting as loudly as we could at a glass ashtray on a chair (Training Routine 8)to get it to lift itself into the air. We were, however, allowed to use hands to lift it, but I was convinced that this must be part of a real trip to telekinesis in my O.T. future.

The Guardian's Office, full of hard-and-serious, non-smiling and sometimes uniformed (para-military) Scientology devotees was on the next-to-top floor. One day in 1974 one of these uniformed sailors of the "Sea Organization" actually asked to see me, and even smiled. To cut a long story short, I got recruited to be a staff member of the Paris Organization. I was told that I would be a very "elite" person bringing Mankind's ONLY HOPE to planet Earth (Hubbard's writings) and that I would be sent away to Hubbard's secret Ship to be trained to keep his technology pure in application there in Paris. I got rid of my apartment, stooped my career as an artist, put my stuff in storage and set off to Copenhagen, Denmark, where I would be briefed by senior Sea Organization officials and set-up for security clearance to go and be on Ron's ship the Apollo.

Well, while I was in Copenhagen I was told I had to do a whole lot more training to be even worthy of being anywhere near L.Ron Hubbard. I would get trained in Copenhagen then get sent off. The berthing was in the Via Kochsvej at the Sea Organization's staff house. It was anything but "elite". In our dorm, which measured about 12 feet by 12 feet there were 13 beds! I hated that, as I was accustomed to having my own space. There was only 1 bathroom for about 25 people. Mornings were hell. The food was pretty awful too. Greasy and crude, we got to often eat beans and rice if the week's production statistics were lower than the previous week's levels. Yuk. There were also some horrible incidents where Sea Organization newbies (had only just signed their BILLION YEAR CONTRACTS to serve L.Ron Hubbard (yes, a billion; that's not a typo) were verbally and physically abused in a highly degrading manner by the "Commanding Officer" Judy Speer. For the new recruits "compliance" was everything. I had not signed a Sea Org contract, just a 5 year staff "contract" in Paris.

After a few weeks of that I decided to move out to a hotel (cheap but clean) at my own expense. I actually had savings back then; something rare indeed among any Scientologists, as the cult normally swallows those up very fast. I continued my training in the Copenhagen organization, mostly with food and lodging at my own expense even though I was a "staff member". One time (1975) I was even called to duty as a staff member to go to Vienna Austria to help there as key staff members there had deserted the "church". Of course, I had to pay for it all room, food, travel, as no money was available for staff expenses...I was "doing my duty to humanity" and helping "Ron" to "Clear the Planet" (get rid of all humanity's aberrations). While in Vienna for about 6 weeks I did a good and conscientious job, and even worked with "missionaire" Guillaume Lesevre (who was a junior Sea Org member). He is now the Executive Director of Scientology world-wide.

Back in Copenhagen I continued to do more training and auditing of others,as well as auditing others. I even audited a "fiendly" psychiatrist" from Germany (Hubbard HATED psychiatrists but needed P.R. allies). I met some people doing "O.T." levels and was suitably impressed with their P.R and smug but teasing total silence as to what the "Confidential O.T. materials" consisted of. It took 6 months till all was done to go the the Apollo. I had to pack and get ready to leave and was not told where I was going. I was given tickets to Florida and ended up at Daytona Beach! Instead of being on the Apollo with Ron I was the first external "student" in the Neptune Motel with no Ron but with all of the Apollo staff. I was bewildered but very impressed. Ron Hubbard was "in a secret location", having come ashore with all his crew in the USA and abandoned the Apollo just days before.

I found myself as a lowly Dianetics auditor in an internship with ONLY CLASS 12 AUDITORS (which were, and still are Hubbard's topmost auditors planet-wide). I had to do communications training exercises with them and I felt out-of-my-depth so much. It was intimidating but I could only do my best. I did, however, become good friends with many of the Class 12s for years afterwards. I was also put to room with a paying public client (Albert D.W) as he was suffering from total pessimism of ever getting results but paying vast amounts of money to get some. The Daytona organization known as Flag Land Base could not afford to lose such a wealthy and pliable client. He stayed.

We stayed in the Neptune Motel till the real new Flag Land Base in the old Jack Tar Hotel in Clearwater was made ready.

WHAT I SAW AND LEARNED AFTERWARDS;

1."Clear" is, in my experience and that of others I have spoken with, not what it was advertised or purported to be in the Dianetics book I read. No perfect recall, no absence of somatics, etc; just not what was promised.

2.The Guardian's Office, under Hubbard's wife, was a criminal organization and 11 executives were convicted of crimes and even Hubbard's wife did prison time. As a Scientologist I was kept uninformed as to the real extent and nature of all the G.O.s criminality. It was supposedly disbanded as a result of the trials but in actual fact, as I have observed, the current "Office Of Special Affairs" OSA still bears a hideous resemblence and even some staff from that time. The thing that changed was mostly the name not the behaviors.

3.The centre of the Scientology regime (with no Hubbard since the early 1980s) is the Sea Organization and the commitment is one billion years, so fanaticism runs very high. A lot of Sea Org members are very nice people who have been hoodwinked, lied-to and disinformed about so so many things to do with how things REALLY ARE in Scientology. They earn about $60 a week plus dorm and food. The Class 12 auditors earn about the same ; i.e. around about a dollar an hour cash, but their clients pay Scientology from $600 to about $800 an hour. They have no idea where all the rest of that money goes, about how it is channelled to groups of lawyers, secret bank accounts, paying to crush the livelihoods of management's perceived enemies (mostly, but not all, former members who either discovered the scam or those who will not knuckle under to the gold braid and bad tempers).

4. The shouting at glass ashtrays does not in fact produce any O.T telekinesis.

5. The way Sea Org members are treated is not much better than actual slavery, though the frequent briefings keep them in-line, contributing and producing despite the lack of valid exchange. They are convinced they are saving Mankind but in fact their efforts are used to make those at the top have vast funds available, privileges and operatives doing covert operations that the lower level Sea Org members would be shocked at if they knew. It is a kind of "duty-motivated slavery".

6.When I was told I was doing my duty, paying monies in large amounts and giving virtually free service to the cult to "help Mankind by helping Hubbard". I didn't know I was also inadvertantly helping the Guardian's Office commit crimes and ruin the lives of innocent people.

7. I was shocked to learn that the Scientology executives sentenced for crimes had done such extensive infiltration of the U.S. government.

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