Title: The other shoe
adm.service@sverige.net (Birgitta )
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 1998 22:10:27 GMT

I read your story. http://www.lermanet2.com/cos/bid.html I feel like
the other shoe hasn't dropped yet (more on that later).

Wow, what a intense story.  Starting in 1970, imagine that I started
almost at that same time with a friend in Flint Michigan in 1969  by
visiting a mission store front bookstore.

We went for the lecture and then after I bought the interesting little
book History of Man - even my friend chided that that book was a
little deep for him.  I wanted the book The Creation of Human Ability
but couldn't afford it. Everybody recommended DMSMH but I didn't like
the Volcanoe.  At the time I didn't understand the symbology - I
thought it was like the dinosaurs - out of date.  I found the reaction
of the staffers had slightly influenced my choices.  They too were
struggling with the mystery that would eventually be revealed.  Later
it was SOS and The Phoenix Lectures and so on.

I read your story and was quite taken by your indoctrination.  So
typical of all I have seen and read.  I forsook a terrific job that I
had earned my way into so that I could do $cn in California.  I didn't
endure all of the hazing that you did. I feel so uninitiated by
comparison.  I only did the usual - mortgaged my parents home -
borrowed on all my cards - wrote
'postulate' checks - spent my entire college fund - borrowed from all
my friends - begged grandmother for a loan and on and on - what a
ridiculous cultie I was trying to save my eternal self with the help
of my registrar.

I was horrified when reading your story at the part where your husband
made you go back.  Have you and he settled your differences with him
yet?  How about your daughter? Did she ever become a $cn bOrg member?

I find that my view on a post-$cn kind of view-point is more mature
and wise - I can't say all that I changed as bad - I do kinda of
wonder if the changes in my abilities would have occurred on their own
through hard work and schooling.

I had idealism and hope as a motivator that the Regs used to my
demise.  I was filled with hope of all that superpower stuff that OT
offered.  I just knew if it was doable I could do it.  I kept on for
the next 22 years trying in one form or the other until I asked "Where
are the OTs?  Can I meet just one?  I don't want to refute, I just
want to confirm that I can keep going on!  The question no mater how
often asked fell on deaf ears.

All of the silence and prohibitions against talking about the 'tek'
and 'case' kept most all of us from comparing notes.  I started to ask
at lunch and break, sincerely and compassionately, about anyone that
was know to have OT powers of anykind at the command of their will.  I
had found thousands of one time occurrences and even more 'well, I
heard that . . . ' type stories, but no one knew anyone that had on
command OT Powers!

One day in session my auditor, a very fine lady in the ASHO-LA Fdn,
had me put the cans down.  She put the pencil down.  Put her elbows up
on the table and rested her chin on her hands and said with the
calmest and sincerely compassionate tone "You are giving up aren't
you?".  I felt for the first time in years that I was really in comm
with someone.  For that feeling   alone I was grateful.  I confided to
her that I couldn't find any OTs no matter how hard I had looked.  I
suppose that if I hadn't been in wonderful comm with this wonderful
motherly person that I'd of sobbed unmercifully as I was finally
admitting that my goal was unobtainable. It was the calmest
and coolest feeling that I had had in years.  I was later given an
unofficial interview with David Mayo ( as a favor from some friends I
had ) who was in town working on a project of somekind.  What a
wonderful and truly humane person he is.  He understood me perfectly
and instantly.  He offered only the most sincere and gracious answers.
No hype, no hysteria,
no reg cycles - plain simple answers - he offered hope and help.  Well
it is like this he went on . . . it is a long road that may require a
lot of auditing and training.  I remained steadfast - 'Where are the
OTs?' as compassionately and as sincerely as I could I asked again.  I
was compelled - I couldn't act resentful or disrespectful after he
treated me so
wonderfully, but I had to ask again for myself.  He started to repeat
himself and we soon ended with he would look at my folder for me.

I had a action plan - lets deal with the ruskies first then the psychs
and drug lords.  All we need is a small team working with our OT
powers.  I met another fellow from a special unit of some kind and he
wanted to know if I was serious and if I knew what I was up against in
what I was proposing.  I   answered lets play for keeps, right? Well
the next thing I knew out came the billion year contract.  Still the
same question - once I sign and you know that I am 'in' you will
introduce me to the OT Team, right?  Sure . . . Sign  here _____.

Well when I figured out that there were no OTs with OT Powers, NO OT
Team, NO OT Empowered Persons, I wanted out.  I was given an amends
project. Clean out the bilge room at cedars in the basement - there
was roughly 6" on water on the floor down there.  I bailed and mopped
and cleaned till it was done.  Do you know that the roaches were
nearly as big as rats and they were everywhere down there.  I worked
from early Saturday morning until 10:30 pm without a break or talking
to anyone. I had places to go and I wanted a clean break. Back to the
ethics officer only to learn that in cleaning up the mess the floor in
the process of drying out gave the bOrg a odor, from all of the
rotting slime I cleaned up and wiped away, that was offensive to the
CO and NOW I'd have to do a special amends of making a donation of a
set of special edition LRH Books to the academy.  OK, How much? Just a
mere $600 as I recall.  Fine!  I'm done right?  Wait here I was told.
When I discovered that the Ethics officer must have forgotten me as it
was midnight and everyone was gone, except the reception guard that
didn't know where the Ethics officer was, I baled.   I had a plane to
catch in relation to my work at my wog job at 7 in the morning and I
still had to de-slime myself do laundry and pack.

I know from the above that I may have shared at least a shadow of the
exhaustion that you felt.  I'd guess that at the time I thought it was
normal and reasonable as a cost to salvage my eternity.  My travels to
school and later overtime at work kept me 'too busy' to commit to
classes and training.  Once I got some capital I came back for that
final session that I mention above with that wonderful auditor whos
name escapes me this   instant.

Ok now the other shoe. Much like the person in the first floor
apartment that hears one shoe and then the other hit the floor at
exactly the same time every night and then strangely this night only
one shoe hits the floor.
Where is that second shoe? . . .  After reading part one of your story
I couldn't tell if you are still on post or how you eventually got out
and if your family got out with you.  I assume that you and your
family are permanently out of the $cn bOrg?  I got it from part one
that you passed the OSA hazing test.  I tried bid2.html and other
variations on the name -

Here is a funny one, Could you tell me you are "out" if in truth you
are still "in" but on  a OSA Special assignment to infiltrate the
dreaded ARSCC? TR-Lie. :-))  OK don't lie - but is it the truth?

Does your husband have a story too?  How is your daughter after all of
those years?

Did you know that Arnie doesn't have a link on his title page for you
as far as I can tell.  Which link from his main pages are you hiding


  Vernon D. Cain Jr.

  If you think this may have value to the ars feel free to post it
there if
  you choose.
The Angel of Xenu
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