Originally Posted by Celt33760 June 2008View Post
I’ve been lurking here for some time now simply checking things out to make sure that this board really is on the up and up. After seeing such similar stories to my own, I can say that I am very pleased to see that there actually is a real place for ex-$cientologists to vent their experiences in the cult. I’ve been out for 3 years now and am just now coming to a point where I actually feel okay with speaking about it with others. Up ‘til the point of finding this board, I had only my wife and best friend to talk with, two others who have the reality on the “Church”. I was beginning to think that I was a loner, sort of like I was the only person to ever have left.
My story is a short one as I was only in the “Church” for about 4 years; 6 or so months as public and the remainder as staff at Tampa. (As I go on, I’m sure that it will be easy for OSA to figure out who I am but oh well. I have a constitutional right to speak.)
I was introduced to $cientology thru a WISE company as many are. When I started to work at said company I wasn’t yet a “follower of the tech” and it was agreed that the staff wouldn’t try to “convert” me; and they didn’t. It was offered to me by a couple of individuals to answer questions if I had any. As I worked at the company, I was really impressed by so many of the people there as the really seemed like a very happy group. As I got to know them as friends, they truly were a happy group. (I later figured out that the happiness in the group was probably due to the fact that most of the staff didn’t allow the “Church” to dominate them.) Anyhow, I was interested, asked questions, was given Source to read to answer my questions and started some WISE courses. “Cool” I thought, this stuff works. Any relief to my then current life was very welcomed. I soon received my first Dianetics session and was so keyed-out that I needed more. My girlfriend and I enrolled at Tampa Org for our first course and began Dianetics co-auditing. “Awesome!” Like a crack-fiend, I needed more and so the Div-6 courses flowed. My life started getting better and I was advancing at work and my stats (and pay) soared. On to the Purif followed by TRs and Objectives co-audit with previously mentioned girlfriend. (Knowing now what I wish I had known then, I’m still reeling that my 2d and I were put on co-auditing together by stat-hungry f#*ks.) Despite my 2-d and I splitting in the middle of our co-audits but remaining as twins (can anyone say uncomfortable?) Before my TRs, I spent 2 weeks on KSW with my then limited study tech but when I got it, I got it! I was really sold now. I thought I was in a group that didn’t stray from what was written like the Baptist churches I grew up in. I was on a high from successive wins. I was sold on this stuff and felt that the entire world needed it. The Org staff knew it too and so after Sunday service one particular weekend, I was approached and asked, “Have you ever considered joining Staff?” “Yes, I most certainly have and I need to do it as soon as possible!” I blurted. The word “dumbass” didn’t come to mind until a couple of weeks later. That same day after course, I signed my soul to Satan for 5 years without even blinking, no reg cycle, nada, just put my name on the dotted line.
At the time of my recruitment cycle, Tampa was undergoing their expansion phase, complete with missionaires, the whole nine yards. I had no idea what it was all about but I didn’t care either. Of course in the “Church”, when something has to happen, it has to happen NOW! When I signed my 5 year contract, it was agreed that I would not be routing on for another 3 months. I was fine with that but then the constant pressure to route on earlier started. First with Tampa staff while I was at the Org and then with CMO showing up at my job to pressure me. Since my company was a WISE company, there was no argument from my boss about me going to the break area to be regged. All fine and dandy except that when you have a workaholic that needs to close some sales, even TRs aren’t going to sway attention away from the need to work. All of the regging and constant pressure started sounding alarms in my head and stupid me - I ignored them.
It wasn’t soon after I routed on to Foundation Staff that I realized that it was an entirely different adventure than what I had experienced working with the great people at my day job. First I was promised that I would be posted as a Dianetics Auditor then once I was posted, I became a course admin. I started seeing how stressed out everyone was at having to achieve unreal production targets. I still truly believe that most of the people on staff were and are genuinely good people, many of them were good friends. The off-policy orders handed down from management I think made them into assholes though. Especially being so close to Flag, we had CMO running things instead of the Org execs.
Eventually, I was able to show my skills as a Dianetics auditor and I was talked into quitting my day job and coming on staff full-time (6 days a week, 9 AM – 10 PM and usually later). Shortly thereafter, I was sent to NYC for sales training. Upon returning from NYC after a week of hell while there with no money, no food, not knowing where we were staying each night, etc., I was told that I was the new Director of the Hubbard Dianetics Foundation for the day Org. Finally, I was where I wanted to be. I created the hell out of the HDF and after a short time of applying very specific policy that Hubbard wrote for the HDF, the department went into screaming affluence. It wasn’t from tricking people into a “Stress Test” or f-ed up off-policy programs. It was from following policy, walking the neighborhood and talking with people and getting them in the door. My staff in the course room made sure that people were so keyed-out with auditing that we set a new highest ever for resigns onto the professional Dianetics auditor course. Not good enough; DM had other plans for the Orgs.
After going thru the hell that was “training” in NYC, CMO marched in and gave us new programs with really dumb, off-policy crap that was “guaranteed” to work. My question was “Why? Green and white is already working?” Standard policy and tech is not good enough for DM I suppose and so we followed orders while that feeling of “something ain’t right” grew larger and larger inside my mind.
Later I started as a student auditor’s Guinea pig. What an f-ed up mess that was. Constant spin-ins and red tags and waiting for months to complete a session while this guy restudied and crammed. It seems like the course supervisors might have made sure the guy could audit before he went and screwed with somebody’s head. It all left me refusing to go on the meter for anything more than a check from the word clearer. Yeah, that went over well with Ethics.
So things continued to occur that just weren’t right. I based my conclusions that they weren’t right on plain, simple observation compared with what policy I knew. It’s the same old story of the BS of being on staff that everyone has read before. Same shit, different Org. I think the thing that always stuck out for me though is after really getting KSW and admiring the hell out of Hubbard for writing it and then people who had been $cientologists for years just up and ignoring it altogether. If that one policy is going to be ignored, then why the f$%k bother having any of the green vols. around? DM has got all of the answers and no one is going to stand up to him and say what is right. And so, I blew… like the wind!
My wife and I headed straight for the mountains of north Alabama, no good-byes, no f$%k you, just left. And behold, they found us a week later. This part of the country is really no place for a $cientologist to be and yet, they were here. Long story short (I know, too late for that) as much as it pained me (the two who showed up were good friends of mine and my wife’s) we sent them packing back to Tampa without a product. When my declare showed up in the mail, I really did feel like framing the damned thing!
In closing, I have watched some very good people be brought down by the “Church” and it’s lackeys. I have seen a very successful, rich and very caring former employer, a well known $cientologist and a man whom I respect almost as much as I respect my own father, be brought down and ostracized due to some copyright crap from the “Church”. I have many more stories to tell and plan on doing so over time. My hope is that some soul who is considering entering this “religion” reads a post and changes their mind or that maybe someone else on staff at Tampa or anywhere else who knows the difference between wrong and right gains the courage to say “enough” and leave. There are a lot of good people in this world trying to make it a better place and management is taking them down with them. So thanks to everyone who has posted here and is a part of making things known. Your courage to step forward has helped a not otherwise paranoid case step out into the light and confront what once was.
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