From: inform@Primenet.Com (the inFormer)
Subject: Body Rasins
Date: 30 Sep 1995 16:09:40 GMT
(SPEAKING IN FOOT)
I can call spirits from the vasty deep.
Why, so can I, or so can any man;
But will they come when you do call for them?
(Shakespeare, King Henry IV)
Heber Jentzsch looked worried. Worse yet, he seemed "off
his feed." He was confronting a pair of semi-informed news
anchors from a local TV station the evening before the explosive
Time Magazine article hit the newsstands. The newsreaders were
citing the charges made in the Time magazine article. Joining
the broadcast by telephone from Cape Cod, Massachusetts was Earl
Cooley, the acerbic, venomous legal mouthpiece of Scientology.
Uncharacteristically, Jentsch seemed to fumble his usually
oily-smooth responses. Cooley jumped in hotly (joke) several
times before Jentsch could flub a respose. In a rapid-fire,
Walter Winchell-like cadence, Cooley alternately hurled
accusations and threats against Time Magazine and the reporter
who wrote the article. This was vintage Cooley. An expert using
the drills that the Guardian's office used to teach its Public
Relations people. Attack, Attack, Attack! "The bank follows the
line of attack", Hubbard used to say.
While it was vintage Cooley, it certainly was not vintage
Jentsch. His usual arrogant, smugness and "I am in charge here"
smile were missing. He looked grim. Maybe he could not see the
newsreaders directly, being forced to look only into a camera,
maybe the makeup people goofed and gave him that greyish pallor,
maybe he was tired from lack of sleep, or maybe he was just tired
of dissembling (look it up) to the press after all these years.
In reviewing the tape of the news broadcast it was difficult
at first to spot the cause of Heber's distress. Finally things
seemed to come into focus. Heber was covered from head to foot
with almost invisible, little spirit-like things! Each one was
about the size of a raisin. These little shriveled-up entities
must be the famous OT III "Body Raisins" Hubbard claimed
possessed all of us. There they were on Heber, visible to the
entire TV audience, seeming to have a sentience all their own!
(certainly Heber didn't) Worse for Heber: they were influencing
his mind and behavior, and he didn't even know they were
there...swarming over every nook and cranny of his body. This
startling discovery also explains Heber's bizarre behavior the
There seems to be no other explanation for Heber's parading
a complete set of ridiculous allegations, downright lies,
attempted intimidation in the week that followed than to say that
he was under the influence of his BRs gone amuck. He kept saying
that Scientology had 8 million members, that 100,000 people had
been freed from drugs and even that the author of the Time
magazine article was a stalking horse for the IRS. When asked a
direct question about Scientology, Heber would launch off into a
That Sunday night, almost a week after that issue of Time
hit the newsstands, Heber appeared on a radio talk show on KFI in
Los Angeles. The worst thing possible happened: Heber was
completely overcome by his abundant complement of Body Raisins.
Some say Heber was also suffering from another manifestation of
Body Raisins - clumping - wherein they glom onto each other in a
big, sticky, ugly mass of evil influence and force a person into
completely wacko behavior. The host of the talk show even had to
shut down Heber's microphone. The BRs must have been keeping his
jaw moving as Heber vented his wrath in a loud, wild, wailing
One of the guests on the show, Dennis Erlich, started to
give an explanation of an aspect of Scientology's occult
"theology" concerning exorcism.
Heber, unasked, started screaming in a most ungracious
manner. BR possession had taken over. The show's host promptly
cut off his microphone. Not to be thwarted from blocking the
revelation of his cult's most guarded (and expensive) secrets,
Heber rose out of his chair, went around the table to where the
other guests were seated and from his mouth came the strangest
manner of emanations (perhaps he was even "speaking in foot?").
Here's a sample of the dialogue from KFI's show (Hosted by
Caller: I would like someone to describe the process of exorcism
. . . Dennis never really explained it.
Dennis: Yes, I would like to talk about that . . .
Heber: (Interrupting) Well, you can pick it up in Dianetics
Modern Science of Mental Health . . . What it does is deal with
mental image pictures a person has and it can deal with a
person's past going back into his past lives . . .
Dennis: (Cutting back in) It has nothing to do with that . .
Heber: Well, it has everything to do with that and you [Dennis]
know that. Dianetics Modern Science of Mental Health . . .
Dennis: [to the caller] Do you want an answer or do you want to
know what the propaganda front is?
Heber: [at the same time as Dennis] Dianetics, Dianetics,
Dianetics Modern Science of Mental Health has an answer for you
and Dennis KNOWS that. Dianetics has the answer to . . .
Dennis: He's blocking. He's blocking!
Heber: I am not blocking!
Dennis: I would like to answer . . .
Caller: I still haven't had an answer.
Heber: I am not hear to discuss the religion of Scientology . .
Dennis: I'd love to answer but Heber won't stop talking. That's
the thing, you [Heber] won't stop to let me . . .
Heber: [Sarcastically] Dennis, Dennis . . .
Dennis: This is the technique he drills before he comes on an
interview like this so he won't have to answer a question.
Heber: [Very loudly] Give me a break! You know better than that
. . .
Jane: Why won't you let him answer the caller?
Caller: Could I have my answer please?
Heber: I said that Dianetics . . .
Jane: Now there are three of us asking so let him. . .
At this point, Heber's microphone cut off by the host. He
could be heard in the background trying to yell over Dennis' mic
as Dennis attempted to answer the caller. Then, just a few
seconds later, he could be heard screaming "Get your hands off of
me! You get your hands off me! I don't care if you are a . . .
she calls herself a lady!".
Witnesses are sure this outburst was caused by Heber finally
discovering his possession by the dreaded Body Raisins.
Heber made his way around the table to Dennis' microphone
where Dennis was giving the caller an explanation of Hubbard's
theories of possession and techniques of exorcism. With bad
breath and booming voice, he began screaming into the microphone,
and Dennis's ear, the following:
Heber: "You love drugs don't you, Dennis?. That's right isn't
it Dennis. You love drugs! . . . Are you on drugs now Dennis?
Tell us are you on drugs?"
It's a sad thing when a person is completely possessed by
It just isn't human.
First published in the inFormer.
Rev. Dennis L Erlich * * the inFormer * *
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